One dozen

So today is my firstborn son's 12th birthday...one dozen years of being a mother. It has been such a joy to have this person in my life. Today, I am filled with pride when I see what a caring, intellegent, gentle soul he is. I pray for Nathan, that he will know the joy and peace of God's love, that he will be filled with purpose and hope, and that he will always know that he is loved.

Here is the story of his birth. Like everything else about being a mother, it was different than I imagined, and changed me for the better...

The Birth of Nathan Elias

When I think about the day Nathan was born, I remember how strange it was to know he was going to be born that day. Since I was 10 days "overdue" I had become used to wondering if each day would be the day. The staff at my OB's office had scheduled an induction for me two weeks before. They gave me a piece of paper that said if my baby had not been born, I was to report to SMHospital at 5:30am March 10, 1998. Enter through the ER and please do not eat or drink after midnight the night before. We went out to eat at Mozzerella's the night before. We called it "Our Pre-Birthday Birthday Party". When we got home, Matt and I cleaned the house, finished packing our bags for the hospital, and before I could go to sleep, I had Matt paint my toenails--an orangey-peach color that he had put in my stocking for Christmas. After a restless few hours, we woke up, got dressed and hit the road. It was still dark outside, and I remember saying to Matt, "I bet none of these other people are going to do something as exciting as what we are about to do."We arrived at the hospital around 5:45. After some paperwork we were sent to the maternity floor. It was around 6:30 and the nurse on call was about to leave because her shift was ending. She gave me a hospital gown--I went to the bathroom and put on the gown. When I came out, she began asking my admission questions--"Do you want an epidural?" I replied, "Not unless I have to have one. We've prepared, and I want to do it naturally." The nurse looked me square in the eyes and said, " You can do it. I will hurt, but you can do it. Take it one contraction at a time." I nodded like I understood, but I felt intimidated. Soon, another nurse came in--young!--she looked younger than me (and I was only 23). The new nurse set up my IV(she blew a vein in my left hand, first OUCH!) and started the pitocin. The MD came in, checked me (0 dilation) and said she'd be back in a little while.I remember being surprised to feel the contractions begin. They felt achey--not what I expected. Still, I was ok. I lost track of time, so I'll just try to remember WHAT happened not WHEN. The Dr. came back, checked me and said I was 2 cm. Then she broke my water with an amnihook. The water felt like I had peed myself and I apologized. The doc laughed and said, "So begins a quick weightloss program." I asked if I could go to the bathroom and she said, "No, trust me, you don't want to be walking around when those contractions hit."The next several hours are a blur. Once my water had been broken the contractions were much more intense. I felt like I had to pee, have diarhea, and throw up. I was scared. We had a lot of visitors--family and friends. I was embarrassed because I threw up in the middle of a sentence while talking to some friends. During this time Matt stayed bravely by my side, trying to help me breathe. Hee-hee-hoo. It was no good. I just felt desperate, and they kept increasing the pitocin. The doc checked me again around 11:30--I was 4cm--Still trying to breathe through it. I remember starting to scream during the peaks of the contractions. Matt said, "C'mon baby, breathe with me." I screamed, " I AM BREATHING! CAN'T YOU SEE I AM BREATHING?!! IF I'M TALKING, I'M BREATHING. I can't do this--I need SOMETHING!"I got a shot of Nubain. I felt dizzy but better. Sometime later the TV was turned on--Jeopardy was on.When the doc checked me again I was 6cm and hurting. I decided to get the epidural. I don't recall the epidural insertion hurting at all. After that I laid there. I was relieved not to be in pain, but I did struggle with nausea and shaking.Visitors came and went, at around 3:00 the nurses changed shifts again. I don't know when they put in the urinary catheter but they did. The doc checked me occassionally. I don't remember at what point during my labor it was, but at some point she stopped talking to me and began addressing the nurse only--"Tell the patient she's still 6 cm." Weird. I was laying right there next to her.At around 5:30 they decided the baby wasn't tolerating labor well and they needed to do a C-section. The doc said, " At least your bladder will still work right when you're old." They started prepping me for surgery. They upped the dose of meds in my epidural, and the nurse started to shave me. She wasn't being careful and she nicked my skin twice. It upset Matt (even though I couldn't feel it) and he told her he would do it himself. He did--very carefully. I remember crying telling Matt I was scared, what if something went wrong. We prayed and he kissed me--I think we both knew it had already gone wrong. The next thing I remember is the OR. I was cold. Nathan was born at 6:24pm March 10,1998. He weighed 8 pounds 15 ounces and was21 inches long. I remember hearing the baby cry and longing desperately to see him. He was across the room and I couldn't see him at all. I kept asking if he had hair. Matt was so excited, I could see him smiling and videotaping. I know Matt brought the baby over and we took a picture, but I don't remember seeing my son in the OR. Matt walked our son to the nursery. I puked while they sewed me up. When I got to a recovery room, I kept asking to see my baby. Finally they brought him to me. As I remember this moment, Matt placed Nathan into my arms. He was sleeping, but when I spoke he opened his eyes--they were so green and beautiful! I knew he knew who I was--that I was his mother.We had lots of visitors and I didn't get to nurse him until later that night. He breastfed until he was 10 months old. He was a happy baby. Our time together was blissful and his babyhood is a treasure I carry in my heart.